welcome to the simple complexities of my mind...

Monday, December 12, 2005

Release the Anger... Let it EXPLODE!

Yes I have to say I'm pretty fuckin' pissed off at the world right now.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen... I actually took off the restraints I put on myself and actually said "FUCK" on the internet. And I'll say it again, "FUCK FUCK FUCK."
Seriously, I'm tired and sick of people (who have no clue with what the hell is going on with me) giving me advice, or telling me I should do this or that, or I shouldn't do this.
If I want advice I'll ask for it. I already have people I go to for any advice I need. Don't play omniscient on me thinking I fuckin' don't have a clue. These people just annoy the hell out of me and I'm tired of playing nice and polite.
I'm angry that my car broke down on me. I'm angry at myself because I didn't look at my engine more. Fuckin' makes that difficult on me and my fiance who shares his vehicle with me.
I'm sick and tired of people telling me that I won't graduate college. Because you know what? I will. I will graduate. Maybe not next year as planned... but I will. So to those who think I won't... or want me to fail. You can just bite me.
I'm angry that my parents cut me off because I'm not doing exactly what they want.
I'm angry that my parents are hypocrites. Get a freakin' grip. I never was a bad kid. I never drank, never did drugs. So now all of a sudden, as a fuckin' adult I make my own damn choice that doesn't agree with the status quo, and they decide to freakin' cut me off and then talk Biblical on me????????????????? I, who know the Texts as well as they do? They actually tried to use it on me?
They freakin' frustrated the hell out of me during the months of October and November and they had the audacity to say that it was my fault that they frustrated me. So when my mother went out and told me that I was a total waste of her time, I gave her nothing but pain, I was a bad kid ( whatever), and a total manipulator, then attacked my siblings in the same manner of verbal abuse, yes, it was all my fault. It was my fault for being open and honest with her in the first place and trying to reach out.
Then after almost a month of not speaking to my mother and barely speaking to my father... my mother actually gets ahold of me and asks me why I was angry with her. She actually asks me! I tell her to wake up. She was there. She knows what she said. So she fuckin' actually says, "So, you're angry with me for telling you the truth?"
FUCK THAT! Damn, it's always nice to know how your mother really feels about you.
I know who I am. I am an intelligent young woman. I can make my own choices and learn from my own mistakes. I don't need a constant hand. So people... as my anger is now subsiding... I apologize if my language offended you. I don't normally use such phrases. Not like many people take a look at what I write anyway... I just needed to let the bottled up anger go so I don't explode on anyone who doesn't deserve it.


Blogger IAMB said...

Feel better now?

10:57:00 AM  

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