welcome to the simple complexities of my mind...

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Stupid Quotes By Stupid (Opps... I Mean Intelligently Challenged) Consumers...

Ok... I've been meaning to do this for awhile... But now I've finally had the determination to finally put it up...

Honestly... it's great when people go into a bookstore in search for a book that opens their minds and makes them more interested in reading. But I have come to the conclusion that there are definitely people out there who really need to stay as far away from bookstores as possible.

Example 1:

Consumer: Hi. I'm looking for a book. I don't know the name of the author or the name of the book...

Associate: Do you know what the book is about?

Consumer: Actually I don't know if it even exists... I had a dream about it...

Associates: ...

(Cuz everyone knows we associates are psyhic and can figure out the title or author without any clues what's so ever.)

Example 2:

Consumer: Where is your non-fiction section?

Me: Everywhere but that corner of the store.

Consumer: Why? What's in that corner?

Me: Uh, fiction...

Example 3:

Consumer: I'm looking for this book.

Me: It's on our bestsellers, right behind you. In fact it's #1 this week.

Consumer: Where?

Me: Right behind you. Under #1.

Consumer: Where?

Me: (Walks right behind the customer. Taps the book right behind his head.) Right. Behind. You. Number. One.

Example 4:
Consumer: How much is my total?
(I give him his total.)
Consumer: Really? That much? Can you give me your employee discount?
Me: No, sir, I'm sorry but I can't do that.
Consumer: Are you serious? But I'm in a wheelchair?
Me: I'm sorry sir, but I am not authorized to just give out random discounts to anyone who wants them.
Consumer: But I'm in a wheelchair...
Me: Yes, I can see that quite clearly.
Example 5:
Consumer: Now I'm looking for books 4 and 5 in the series. Which one would those be?
Me: These two right here.
Consumer: How did you figure that out?
Me: It says it on the front and side of the book. Book 4 and Book 5.
Example 6:
Customers can never find a specific section in the store. That section oddly enough is the Travel Section. So I urge you all to find the travel section of your local bookstore. Because if you listened to our customers, it's as if we move the travel section of the store every week.
Consumer: Where's your travel section?
Me: Right by the giftcards.
Consumer: You guys always change your store. Last week it was over in the corner wasn't it?
Me: No. It's always been there.
Consumer: Now I shop here often. It wasn't always there!
Me: It's been there since last August and it hasn't moved yet.
Example 7:
Consumer: I don't know the name or the author but it was on the Oprah show the other day. You must know what it is...
Me: I'm sorry, but I don't watch Oprah.
Consumer: But you work at a bookstore... you have to watch Oprah.
Me: I'm sorry ma'am but watching Oprah isn't anywhere in my job description.
Consumer: But she promotes plenty of books...
Me: And we sell all of them.
Consumer: Is there a place in the store for where the books she promotes are??
Me: No. I'm sorry there isn't.
Consumer: Well, there should be...
Me: I'll be sure to tell corporate that ma'am.
Consumer: You do that... what kind of a bookstore doesn't have an area where Oprah's books are?



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