welcome to the simple complexities of my mind...

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

A Little Bit of Postpartum...

A confession...

I've been having this mental struggle ever since the baby and I got home. And I've been finding it really difficult to keep a brave face.

When we took the baby home for the first time, it was a very difficult night for me. My husband had to go to work that night (he works the graveyard shift) and I was alone with the baby. I had just gotten out of the hospital myself. I was still recoving from the surgery. I still had really high blood pressure. And the pre-eclampsia hadn't left my system yet (to be honest it STILL hasn't left my system).

My doctor didn't want to release the baby and me because he didn't want to release ME. But I desperately wanted to go home. So he made a deal with me that I have a check up in three days, then another one a week after and another one 3 weeks after that, then he would let me go home. Well, I somewhat regret pushing for going home.

I was still supposed to be in bed rest myself. My husband was working. So I was left to take care of my son. I love my son. He's honestly so precious to me.

But it was DAMN hard to take care of him that night. I was still very weak myself.

And the next morning when my husband got home from work, he of course needed his rest too. He worked a 10 hour shift, then cleaned the house in preparation for my parents arrival. But that still left the care of the baby to me.

The next night was another struggle. My best friend was arriving from California the following morning. And my folks were arriving soon after in the afternoon. But I still had to get through the night.

I couldn't ask much more help from my husband. He was already so exhausted. He had even collapsed from exhaustion at work the night my folks arrived.

My incision hurt like hell, my blood pressure was soaring, I was sleep deprived and very tired, and still quite weak. I was sooooooo grateful when Maria and my folks came. They let this young tired couple rest and get the sleep they needed to rejuvinate and recover.

Well my husband has recovered. I have pretty much recovered myself. Not fully there, but definitely stronger than I was before.

But now that Maria's already gone home and my folks are to go home this Sunday, I'm scared. I'm scared I'm still not strong enough to take care of my own child. It's really a mental battle for me right now. But it's still a struggle nonetheless. It's like I'll be responsible for 80% of his care. Am I strong enough? I keep remembering the first two nights and how hard it was. Am I strong enough?

I have no support system here. The people I did know in West Virginia are all an hour away. So with the exception of my husband, I'm pretty much alone.


Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Turkey Day!!!

Just wanted to greet whoever reads this with a:

Happy Thanksgiving!!!
And to say what I am thankful for...
I'm thankful for my husband who is always there for me. Who is always strong, understanding and works hard to take care of our growing family.
I'm thankful for my new son, who is a true joy in my life. Even though he gave me a hard pregnancy and a difficult birth, every time he smiles I see this little person that is a part of both my husband and myself.
I'm thankful for my family, my parents, my sister and her family back in California. They are a great support and I really did miss them while I was pregnant. (Still glad my folks are here visiting the baby and me.)
I'm thankful for a best friend who flew all the way here from Southern Ca when I really needed someone to help me the most. That's what real friendship is all about.
I'm thankful for my other friends (both in Ca and here in WV) who kept asking how I was doing while I was pregnant, or tried to look out for me one way or another. Like, Jaclyn, Stacey, Shannon, Dana, Gina, Nicole and many others. You guys are awesome.
I thank God for people like you.


Friday, November 16, 2007

The Newest Member of the Family!!!

I'd like to introduce my son, Caden. Born November 8th, at 11:52 pm. He weighed 7 lbs 13 oz. He was also 19 and 7/8 inches tall.He was a c-section baby. I once again went to my doctor's appointment. And he once again sent me to the main hospital triage to go through more lab work due to my extremely high blood pressure. And as usual my lab work always came back fine. My husband and I assumed we would be going home again but this time, the doctor came up to us and said, "We'll either be delivering tonight or tomorrow morning."
So two hours later, I was given wonderful drugs that took away any feeling as they were slicing into my belly. And a half an hour after that, I had my little boy. And five days later we were allowed to finally go home. (We were forced to stay in the hospital because they forced me to stay in hospital bed rest for 48 hours after delivery. I still had extremely high blood pressure and my doctor didn't want to send me home right away in case something happened to ME. So mom had to recupe in the hospital after surgery while baby simply enjoyed being coddled by all the nurses who just enjoyed taking care of him out of the other 20 baby's who were there.)
I'd put up the first picture we ever got of my son... but he was nude and probably wouldn't appreciate that when he gets a bit older. So I'll put up other cute and random "awww" pictures that will still embarrass him later.

Anyway, I had my first doctor's visit since coming home yesterday. They took out the staples that were on me. Apparently I have a better doctor than I realized. He stiched up EVERY layer he cut open while most doctors will only do half or every other. Hence my incision is healing very well and very quickly.

My parents also came all the way from California to visit. They arrived two days ago and are spoiling their first grandson. They barely allow me to breast feed because they want to enjoy feeding him themselves.

As to the baby, he had his first doctor's appointment TODAY. After only being around for a week, he grew to be a whopping 21 inches, and not only gained the weight that he lost after being born but more. He is now 8 lbs, 1 oz. So we have a growing, healthy, baby boy who will undoubtedly be spoiled by his grandparents who are staying with us for three weeks. :)

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Sunday, November 04, 2007

Daylight Savings...

As much as I get to enjoy the times we Fall Back... I simply hate the moments we Spring Forward.

So someone tell me please... what is the purpose of Daylight Savings???

Half the world doesn't use it. We didn't always use it. Heck two out of the 50 states don't use it. And it does nothing but mess with our internal clocks. A pox on daylight savings... a pox I say.

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Friday, November 02, 2007

The New Members of the Family... No I'm Not Talking About the Baby...

This is Bones. The one of the little kittens we got yesterday. He's a friendly sort. Just stepped up to me and started nuzzling my hand. I knew he was coming home with me. He's only 8 weeks old. He's a needy little puss. Slept at my feet last night and kept waking me up nuzzling my face.
He's apparently camera shy.
Then he outgrew it really quickly.
This is Calypso aka Cali. My husband named her that because she's a "moody little freak". She was the one who randomly went up to him and started nuzzling his hand. Then when we next saw her she was frantically attacking this little cat toy and he was so entertained that he chose her. She is 10 weeks old.
Here she is pigging out.
And if you were wondering how big they were, there's a tissue box right next to Cali. The box is still bigger.
See? I'm getting better at this updating with pictures thing. I'm not procrastinating as much as I used to.

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New Update...

OOOOOOOOOOOOkay... so the amnio test sucked lol.

I layed on my back, which made it difficult to breathe. They put my belly on an ultrasound so they can always see the baby and make sure the needle doesn't get to him, and they give me a shot right in the abdomen and take some of the amniotic fluid. I'm always getting shots lately. I'm not scared of them, but honestly, it's like the hospital just keeps on taking my blood, the darn vampires.

So, the doctor administering the test is hopeful my child stays still. Yeah right. Like my child would just let some random person poke and prod at him and then stick a needle in his face without fighting back. So my son did fight back. Kicked and punched at the doctor and needle. And that doctor makes a silly comment, "Looks like he found a new toy to play with." What on earth is WRONG with him??? What kind of parent would count a "needle" as a toy?!

I tell you what. I'll put one of his kids in a bed of needles and tell them to enjoy their new toy.

Anyway, my child didn't like the procedure AT ALL. He was pretty fiesty in my belly for a good hour before he finally calmed down.

Beyond the needle adventure, the little guy's lungs aren't fully developed yet. My doctor said that's pretty normal since it usually happens between weeks 35 and 39.

So back to the first plan and deliver at week 39. Sigh, two more weeks. I have to bear the rash and the high blood pressure for only 2 more weeks. And at the same time, I'm still stuck in bed rest.

Well, to cheer me up, Jon adopted two kittens. (We had to give up the two kittens we rescued. We gave them to this lady who adores cats because our apartment wouldn't allow pets. But now that we have our own house... we can have all the pets we want. Dog will come later, most likely a year after the baby's born.) They are easy pets, more independent than pups and easier to train. Show them the litter box and the food and you're set. Plus it keeps my father in law company while Jon and I are dealing with all day doctor visits or eventually just taking care of and dealing with the baby.

So my little family is growing quite fast. Bambi in the front yard, two cats, and a soon a baby. Eh... c'est la vie.

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